Mother May I…

My mother, grandmother and my niece.

I originally posted this back in December of 2011. But I think it’s much more fitting now. Happy Mother’s Day, Ma!

My mother wants me to have a baby. Am I married? No. But that seems to be a minor detail at this point. I think she would be totally fine if I stole a baby from the hospital as long as she had something cute to spoil. We fight about this at least once a month.

“I want to have grandchildren. From you,” she says as she pokes me in the belly. ”When are you going to start thinking about it?”

“I don’t want children right now. I’m only twenty-six. I haven’t even been to Europe yet!”

“You’ve got it wrong. It’s only eighteen. It’s not only twenty-six. You’re getting old.”

Then my brother chimes in. “You know she’s never going to have a baby, mom. She’s too mean.”

Another one says, “I’ll give you lots of grandkids, ma. When do you want me to start?”

We all look at him in horror, knowing that he should not procreate anytime soon.

“But seriously, Jamie. What about that guy you were dating? He had a good job and you two would make such cute fat babies.”

“But, he was an arrogant jerk and he was weirdly close to his mother.”

She shrugs and says, “That’s small potatoes. We need to think of the big picture here.”

My mother is clearly insane.

She cusses like a truck driver, is thinner than me and always takes every opportunity to embarrass me by dancing in public but I love her. And one day I plan to capture of her crazy awesomeness in writing.

I like writing about mothers and will often model my fictional ones after real people in my life. (Thank goodness I don’t know too many normal people.) I feel like moms are some of the hardest characters to develop because just like in real life their personality shapes the way their children behave and the choices they make.

So here are a few of my favorite fictional mothers.

1. Claire Huxtable… She was a lawyer. She had five children, dealt with her wacky husband and kept that brownstone in Brooklyn spotless. She was like wonder woman or wonder mother.

2. Roseanne… Her house was a little more realistic. She was loud and brash and working class. But mostly importantly she was funny and I have to respect that.

3.  Joan Crawford… Okay, so she was a real person. But that movie Mommie Dearest made her seem other worldly and till this day I screech, “No wire hangers,” whenever I see one.

4. Amy Duncan… This dancing, singing, scene stealing Disney Channel mother cracks me up. She reminds me of my own mother. Amy never takes a backseat to her husband and I love that.

5. Colleen Donaghy (30 Rock) … She demanding, slightly evil, mean and I love her.

As for books I really like Posey’s mother, in Kristan Higgins Until There Was You. Who wouldn’t like a fluffy German mother who tried to fatten you up with comforting food. Sophie from Sophie’s Choice ( it was a book before it was a movie). Could you imagine making that choice?  And Cealie from The Color Purple. She put up with a lot of crap but still came out on top in the end.

Your turn! Like your mother? Hate her?  What’s she like? Got a favorite fictional mother? Tell us about her. Any and all comments are welcome.

 

Glossophobia – Fear of Public Speaking by Katy Lee

Hello, Katy Lee here. Due to a speaking event I am attending this weekend, I decided to share my thoughts on public speaking again. Enjoy!

Writing is an isolated venture, except if you want to keep the lights on. For someone who wants to make a living as an author, stepping out to sell your work requires finesse in the art of public speaking. For an introvert, such as me, the idea of pitching to editors and agents to sell my work, triggers panic to set in. The concept of building a platform to gain readership means talking to people. Sometimes one-on-one. Sometimes on a stage. The point I am making here, though, is there comes a time when writing is no longer sequestered.

Are you ready to start talking?

Glossophobia, or the fear of public speaking, is remarkably common. In fact, some experts estimate that as much as 75% of the population has some level of anxiety when it comes to this. There are some people who fear it more than death, but most are able to control this fear to get the job done.

Many writers believe they have chosen a career that allows them to avoid public speaking. They think speaking jobs are in the corporate world or in sales. Or perhaps they think standing up in front of a group is found only in a classroom, teaching, or on a stage, acting. But things could not be further from the truth.

Agents and editors want to hear the excitement about your stories right from your mouth. If you have an opportunity to meet a literary professional face-to-face, you need to be ready to shine. Also, readers want to know you personally. With the social networks available now, this task is easier than ever, but chances for more intimate settings like a speaking event will help you connect with more people. Relationship building will give you a platform to succeed.

Now, I could tell you to get over your fears and get up there and start talking, but I’ve been in your shoes and know that’s not possible. Your fear is real. For me, prayer was my first step. As in inspirational writer, I firmly believe God has given me these stories to tell, and so I told Him if I was going to do this, then I would need His help in relieving some of this fear. And as always He came through.

Opportunities presented themselves to me where I could learn coping skills for stepping out and opening up. Leadership classes such as Toastmasters were taken. I was then offered the children’s ministry director position for my church – speaking to children. Now there’s a scary task. But I did it, and little by little my fear went away. My fumbling over words lessened. My voice got louder, and I stood straighter. Yay God!

But about a year ago, I was invited to speak to a group of women at a monthly Aglow meeting. At first I said, “No, I could never do that. Children were one thing, but adults? Never.” But in the end I did end up accepting the invitation. Since then I have been invited to speak all over New England. It has been an amazing adventure.

The Unlocked Secret: God does not want us to fear anything. In fact, His Word tells us, He did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) And I don’t know about you, but if it’s not from Him, then I don’t want it. So goodbye fear, and let’s talk.

Question: Do you suffer with a little bit of Glossophobia, too? How do you overcome it?

Awkward Party of One

My name and graceful should never ever be put in the same sentence. In my head I’ve always wanted to be one of the sexy, stunning pin up girl types. One of those women who could lure a man from across a crowded room with just a lift of a perfectly arched eyebrow. You know the type, those women who could stop traffic just by walking out of building. I probably could stop traffic, but only by falling into the street.

Girl crush! Who I want to be in my head.

I’m clumsy. Terribly clumsy. And shy. I lack that flirting gene that so many women seem to be born with. I’m blunt, at times overly honest. You know that filter people seem to have? Mine’s malfunctions daily. I talk way too fast. Sometimes I don’t think before I speak. I can never manage to say the right thing at the right time.

I’m AWKWARD, though I do try to hide it, my lack of cool comes out at the most inconvenient  times.

I bought a brand new laptop not two weeks after opening it I dropped it then stepped on it.

I somehow got caught on a door at work and ripped my dress to shreds exposing my SPANX to the world.

Just the bottom of my broken laptop screen.

I walked into a parked car.
I always come home with random bruises on my hips and legs and arms, because I bang into desks and doors and walls. I have a knack for breaking my shoes when there isn’t a spare pair or a shoe store around for miles. (I’ve done this three times in the last two years.)

I used to lament my lack of grace. Hell, I still do. But I had a conversation the other day with somebody. I was talking about another writer that I know who is always kind and helpful and never has a bad thing to say about anybody. I mentioned that I wanted to be more like her. But that person told me that I shouldn’t want that. That I’m snarky and snappy and have a wicked sense of humor and that those things made me me and that shaped the kind of writing that I do. My awkwardness is how I got my voice.

You know what voice is, right? That thing agents and editors always say they are looking for when they are looking for the next big thing. Voice is that style, that attitude that tells the world who you are through your words.

So what’s my message in all of this? Embrace your awkwardness. It’s okay to snort when you laugh or trip over your feet. It’s okay to be goofy. Your individual-ness  can help to make your dreams come true.

So share with me. I want to hear about some of your awkward moments. Any and all comments are welcome.

Docendo Discimus: We Learn by Teaching by Katy Lee

Salve, it’s me, Katy Lee, and today I’m practicing my Latin on you. My kids think it’s only fair if they have to learn it, then so should I. But I have to say even if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be a good teacher for them if I didn’t learn right along beside them. How would I inspire them when they struggled? How could I help them if I, myself didn’t understand? The truth is I couldn’t.

Home educating my children was not something I entered into lightly. I knew it would be a commitment that would stake claim to the nume unus place in my life. Their education isn’t something to let slide like the laundry. They are depending on me for their preparation into the world. They are counting on me for the knowledge needed to make good decisions in regards to their lives.

So…Quo vadis? Where am I going with this? What would happen if I provided them with untruths? Facts made up because I was too lazy to do the research.

I might be able to get away with it for a little while, but honestly, my daughter would take so much delight in proving me wrong that in the end I would be the one with ovum on my face. (That’s an egg, BTW) And I know she’s not the only one. This world is full of people itching to catch someone in an untruth.

As writers we cannot be caught flubbing it. (Sorry, I couldn’t find the Latin word for flubbing) The fact is we need to do the research. We need to take our commitment in teaching the reader seriously. Because isn’t that what a writer is? A magister, or magistra in my feminine case?

Writers are teachers. Whether your main character in your story is a medical examiner or a horse trainer, whether your story carries a moral or aims only to entertain you still have research to do for your reader to get a full understanding. For your reader to learn something. And I can guarantee there will be at least one reader out there itching to catch you in a flub.

Now, I’m not saying you have to be an expert on something before you can write about it. But you have to be willing to invest the time needed to become the go-to person on a particular subject. That means shadowing a professional or interviewing experienced people in your field of interest. Get it from the horse’s mouth. (equus for all you Latin lovers.) The internet is great, and you can get a wealth of knowledge from it, but firsthand experience will be best if you can find it. No one can catch you in a flub if it’s the truth.

The Unlocked Secret: Vincit omnia veritas. Truth conquers all. When your work is backed by truth, you are golden. And not only that, but you, yourself, will be smarter for it because if you can teach it, you know you’ve learned it.

Question: What are your favorite ways to get your facts straight? Who have you had the pleasure of interviewing, and what did you learn?

Voila tout! That’s all!

How Do You Handle Bad News?

NOTICE: This is a true story that took place very recently. If you are sensitive to slighty yucky but natural things I suggest you do not read on.

I hate delivering bad news. In fact I dread it. Though in my line of work it is a necessary evil. As a special education teacher I find myself in contact with parents more than most teachers. Like daily. This week alone I had to call a parent to tell them that their child proceeded to color his teeth black with a magic marker when he was out of my line of vision. But most of my phone calls are little things. Like little Johnny is eating toilet paper and glue sticks and has a real fondness for chalk. Or Mikey has taken to looking up all the adults skirts. Or Becky is eating her boogers. A lot. Like so much I’m wondering how she has a nose left. Even though my babies are special most of what they do is not outside of the normal kid realm.

But there is one thing I hate telling parents. Like hate-hate. Like stay up at night wondering how I’m going to break the news. You think I would be a pro at it by now. Kids typical and special alike do it.  And I see more of it than one would expect teaching second grade.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Doe? Would you mind coming inside for a few minutes,” I ask a parent during dismissal.

The poor woman gives me the look. The what now look, that I see from every parent when I ask to speak to them in private. I know she isn’t going to want to hear what I have to say and trust me I don’t want to be the one to have to tell her. But one must soldier on in these cases.

“Your son is…. Um…” My ears start to burn.

Mrs. Doe looks at me with sympathy.  ”What is it? Trust me. Almost nothing you can say would shock me at this point.”

“Your son has found his willy wacker.” (For the record I did say the real word but so low the woman couldn’t hear me.)

“Excuse me?”

“His thing.” My ears are on fire at this point. ”He’s found his thing. And has taken to whipping it out at every opportunity. I guess the good news is that he doesn’t know what to do with it so he kind of just swats at it. But my point is that he CANNOT do that in school.”

The mother sighs, only, slightly mortified. “I was hoping he was only doing that at home.”

“Nope. He’s sharing his love with everybody.”

“How long can I expect this phase to last?”

“He’s a man, Mrs. Doe. It will probably be for the rest of his life.”

Thankfully she laughs and wraps her arm around me. “Thanks for telling me. Now how do we fix this?”

That problem I actually know how to fix. I have a file on my computer filled with information about this along with a bunch of other files most teachers wouldn’t dream of having.Like a nose picking file. And how to potty train children over five file. And a body odor file. But I digress. For me the only way to deliver unpleasant news is to plow through it.

On the reverse side I take in good and bad news the same way. I barely react at all. My poor parents have been disappointed many birthdays and Christmas Mornings. Because I barely reacted to my awesome presents at all. Although a child once surprised me with a plate of brownies and my face lit up like a the Fourth of July. (Go figure.)

So what about you? How do you deliver bad news. How do you receive it? Are you a reactive person. Are you easily surprised?

What to Wear to a Writer’s Conference

I have to get something off my chest. Something that has been plaguing me for over a year. It happened in May of 2011 at my local chapter’s conference where I was happily helping out with the editor/ agents appointments. Through out the day I saw dozens and dozens of writers nervously awaiting their appointments. That day was a total blur for me and I can barely remember all the people I saw. But one person unwillingly stuck in my mind.I don’t remember her name or what genre she wrote. But I do remember what she looked like clearly.

Always Always ALWAYS!!!

And it was because she wasn’t wearing a bra. I know. I know. Who the hell does that nowadays? But apparently this unfortunate person didn’t think to put one on that day before she left the house, deciding to let her not so little girls swing free. And to make it worse she wore a neon green fuzzy sweater and jeans to her pitch sessions. I am not making this up to be entertaining. This girl, no, woman dressed like that that day.

So what’s the big deal? Well, I’ll tell you. Conferences are the places where you network. That means meeting and connecting with new people. That means making a lasting impression. Editors and agents are the people a lot of writers want to impress. They can help make your dreams come true. Doesn’t it make sense to dress to impress? The last thing you want to be known as is the writer who didn’t wear a bra.

I’m no expert but I do love to get dressed for any occasion. So I have compiled a simple list of things that are  more do’s than don’ts.

What you should wear to a conference when you are pitching…

1. Always wear a bra. Always. Always!

2. Some people would suggest wearing what you would to a job interview but I disagree.No suits. It’s okay to show your personality a little, because that can reflect your writing style. You like bright pink? Wear bright pink. Just keep it classy folks and try not to look like a bottle of Pepto.

3. Jeans–I would usually say this is a definite no. Women have so many choices out there, that they can come up with something else without much thought. But I have seen guys rock a pair of dark denmin jeans, a vee neck and a blazer, and look put together and hot. But no sneakers!

4. This kind of goes with number one but keep your girls fairly hidden. You’re pitching your book not going on a date. It’s not the right time to put the ladies on display. And on the opposite side don’t dress like a schlub. Baggy and ill-fitting are just as unattractive as tight and revealing.

You CAN'T wear this to pitch in.

5. Try to wear comfortable shoes. I personally think most comfy shoes are not fabulous but you will be on your feet a lot and you don’t want to end up looking like a scene from Thriller by the end of the day.

6. No Hawaiian shirts. Seriously unless you’re in Hawaii, or you’re Jimmy Buffett, or eighty, find something else to wear. A polo shirt works nicely.

7. Don’t look like the wait staff. Meaning black pants and a plain white top. Or khakis and a plain white top. It’s boring.

8. Don’t wear distracting stuff on your head. In my personal life I’m a fan of pretty hair accessories, head bands, crystal encrusted hair pins, flowers, but they can be distracting especially when you are trying to have a conversation with somebody. (Or is it just the ADD in me?)

9. Also, if you have facial piercings keep those bad boys to a minimum. Tongue piercings are distracting. (And a little eww if you ask me. I’ve seen two friends get it done and… Shudder)

See what I mean? Eww.

10. And finally keep your makeup clean and simple. You are not going to a night club, and if you pitch at the end of the day you don’t want to look like a gooey mess.

 It’s scientifically proven that people are attracted to pretty people. Of course your writing needs to be up to snuff to get an editor or agent to sign you, but it can’t hurt to give yourself a boost in the right direction by looking great. You want to be a successful best-selling author, then dress like one.

And I have to give a little shout out to author Sara Humprheys who looks great and well put together from head to toe in every picture and at every conference. And Kristan Higgins who always has fabulous shoes and perfectly painted nails.

Oh and one more thing CTRWA is throwing FICTION FEST and there is still room left. You can register by clicking the Fiction Fest above.

So what do you think? Have any fashion advice to give? Disagree with me? Love conferences? Any and all comments are welcome.

YA Love

Happy Valentine’s Day Scribes fans! In honor of romance, I’ll be giving away double the love with an e-book copy of each of my books, On Thin Ice and Heaven Is For Heroes to one romance-loving commenter to be chosen at midnight tonight! Also in honor of good old Saint Valentine, I’d like to talk about YA love.

I’ve been asked several times why I write Young Adult fiction, specifically, YA Romance. When I began writing for publication, I started by writing adult romances, but I had some issues with it. Other than needing to learn a lot about the writing craft, I was also incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of people I knew reading my romantic scenes. I’m a massage therapist by day and my clients were very supportive of my writing from the very beginning, but thinking about them reading the steamy scenes I was putting on the page had me breaking out in hives. Ironically, that was the best part of my writing and like most of my own adult relationships, my adult stories all seemed to lead to…well…sex. So what’s a die-hard romantic to do?

Oh Dear!

As any smart girl will tell you, romance novels aren’t just about creatively writing sex scenes. Romance novels are about capturing the emotions, building the tension, bringing those romantic moments to life for the reader. I wanted to do that with my stories, but I wasn’t comfortable with the down and dirty details. Once I realized that my “voice” (that elusive quality that makes each writer unique), was best suited for first person narrative and that I had a rather “young’ perspective, I realized that my heart was in sharing “extraordinary stories of an average teenage life.” I had loads of teen experiences to draw from and it was a way for me to share some valuable lessons I’d learned along the way.

Perfect Love

As a wonderful bonus, it turns out that the inspirational life lessons that come through in my stories are as meaningful to adults as to any of the teens who might read my books.

Let me be clear in saying that I have nothing against those that write the higher heat level books. I love a good rogue Duke or Chaps-wearing cowboy. Even in YA romance, the steaminess level runs the gamut. There are graphic scenes in many YA novels on the shelves these days. Even though the topics in my own books are mature, they lean toward the sweeter side of first relationships. I like offering an option that fills a gap between young adult and adult romance.

Sweet Love

I’ve also come to realize that it’s not always necessary for adult romances to draw the reader a blow by blow (pardon the pun) description. In fact there are many romances that are sweet and romantic and very successful without that (ie: Kristan Higgins’ novels and our own Katy Lee’s upcoming release, Real Virtue).

I enjoyed writing those steamy scenes, but I needed to find a way to tone down the intensity for my own comfort level, so I started thinking about my own life and who I was BS (before sex). I was immediately struck by all the first times that came to mind. I love writing YA romance because I get to travel back to all those first times and in some ways re-write them. You remember that first kiss, your first Valentine, and maybe even your very first date? Everything for teens is so immediate, so crucial, and so DRAMATIC!

Eternal Love

Romance in YA fiction is all about falling in love, mending a broken heart, finding that one person who completes you and makes you feel whole—much like adult romance, but with the freedom to end on a hopeful note rather than attaining that ultimate HEA ending. I like the idea of leaving my characters room to grow up.

 How do you like your romance? Hot and heavy, or sweet with a little steam? Have you read any YA romance? If not, you might find it surprisingly satisfying.

Dream On

Hey, Friends!  Suze here.  Hope you’re all having a great day.  Amateur Freuds and Freudettes, get out your notebooks and pencils, because I’m about to lie down on the couch and bare my soul!

Yes, that really IS just a cigar

Last night, or maybe I should say this morning, I had a dream.  And along with it came a sense of deja vu. See, I’ve had this dream countless times before.  It’s not as though I’m playing a DVD over and over in my sleep.  The settings and actions are never quite the same twice.  But the overall formula is the same.

Now, this isn’t the dream where you find yourself walking naked through the high school cafeteria, and nobody notices (which is either a good or a bad thing, depending on your point of view!).  Or the one where you show up to class and realize that it’s the final exam and you never did any homework all semester and never studied for the test (Wait!  Was that a dream, or did it actually happen?).  Or my personal favorite, the one where you’re late for gym class, and you realize you don’t know which gym locker is yours and you can’t remember the combination anyway.  Why are so many of these about school?

I’ve had all these dreams, as well as the nasty one where your teeth are loose/falling out, more than once.  But my single most recurring dream is the one I had just before I woke up today.  I find myself in a house, and it’s familiar, yet not familiar.  It’s always a house or apartment I’ve actually been to or lived in — my parents’ house, my grandparents’ farm, the apartment I lived in with six other people when I got out of college (I like to call that place “the group home”), the apartment I lived in with my husband-to-be, and the house I live in now.  Sometimes there are other people there, but not always.

But the common theme is that I discover that the house is actually much larger than I thought.  There aren’t exactly secret or hidden rooms, but there are rooms I’ve never discovered, even though I lived there a long time.  Usually I will go up a flight of stairs, and through a door, and find a number of additional rooms to the house.  And I’ll say to myself, “Hey!  I’ve been needing more space, and here it is!  Why didn’t I notice this before? And what’s all this cool stuff in here?”

Then I wake up, before I get a chance to examine the cool stuff or plan what I will do with all that extra room.

A dream dictionary I consulted (click here) has this to say:

To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs indicates that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual, emotional or material journey. The dream is also analogous to material and thoughts that are coming to the surface.

To dream that you find or discover a new room suggests that you are developing new strengths and taking on new roles. You may be growing emotionally. Consider what you find in the discovered room as it may indicate repressed memories, fears, or rejected emotions. Alternatively, such rooms are symbolic of neglected skills or rejected potential.

To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the unconscious, etc.

In your dreams, Suze!

I always feel positive about these dreams.  I never feel uncomfortable or frightened of the unknown.  It’s more a sense of wonder.  I also often find that having this dream (which happens several times a year) corresponds with periods of increased creativity and productivity in my waking life – definitely the mode I’m in right now.  So I always interpret it in a positive light, and I’m always  glad when it comes.  I do sort of wish, though, that my psyche would get original once in a while and give me a nice dream about, oh, I don’t know, Hugh Jackman?

What about you?  Do you have a recurring dream to share?  What do you think it means?

Miss Pope Has Left the Building…

Dirty South!

There’s a girl out there with my same exact name, with the same exact spelling. After she friended my on Facebook I learned that we were born months apart, share the same ethnic background, even have a brother with the same name. She too has a blog right here on WordPress.Spooky right!?! At this moment she’s in medical school pursuing a career in the field I thought I was once destined for. I can’t wait for her to finish because very shortly there will be a Dr. Jamie Pope out there saving the world.

Professionally, she is going to need that name. As much as I would like to call dibs on it I can’t. Being a published romance novelist is my dream but it’s not as noble or as hard as being a doctor. There are other Jamie Pope’s out there. Jewelry designer, financial planner, musician, nutritionist, engineer, dentist and former Clemson Tigers football player. This Jamie Pope doesn’t even come up in the search results when you Google her. (How lowering…)

Now’s the right time to take on a pen name. As a teacher that decision was relatively easy for me to make. The hard part is deciding what to rename myself. There are many reasons why people choose pen names. The most popular is to separate their writing from their personal lives. Others do it for safety reasons, stalkers, fraud, etc. Some authors have multiple pen names, each with its own personality to reflect their unique writing style.

There are many authors with normal pen names. I didn’t want something normal, something easily forgettable. I wanted a name that stood out in the crowd and reflected my fun writing style, so I asked a friend for help. His first try was Brown Sugar Bacardi. Which he followed up with a, “Bow Chicka wow wow.”

Okay, I kinda, sorta loved it but knew it was way too over the top. He then suggested dropping the Brown and leaving the Sugar. Sugar. Sugar?

My father’s family is super Southern and spending a little time on Saint Helena Island(Coastal South Carolina. Check it out!) I learned that my family members who reside there don’t have typical names. I have a third or fourth cousin named Sugar, as well as one named Do’ boy(nickname,I hope). My grandmother whose name is Pearl, becomes Sissy and my aunt’s name changes from Diane to Lady. Confusing? Yes.

But I love that odd, almost backward culture of my relatives and as an homage to them I will gladly call myself Sugar. As for a sir name, I had to keep some part of myself in there so we decided on Jamison. Sugar Jamison. Over the top? A little. Uniquely me? You betcha.

As for the title to this post…  I have to give credit to one of my very cute, pain in the rear former students.  Every time he saw me get annoyed he would shout, ”Miss Pope has left the building!”  Which was caused everybody to crack up and me to lighten up.  So, thank you to him for giving me a reason to use that phrase.

Your turn! What do think about pen names? Do you have one? Want one? Need one? Know a famous author with many? Have an oddly named family too?  Have you ever been to Saint Helena Island? Any and all comments are welcome.

Kinley Baker – 7 Secrets to Surviving Publishing

Happy Friday everyone! Casey Wyatt here.

Today we have a special guest – Kinley Baker. She is the author of the newly released, fantasy romance – Ruined. Stay tuned at the end of the post to learn more.

Kinley has 7 secrets

Kinley is here to share her 7 secrets to surviving publishing.

********

Thank you for letting me visit today at the Writing Secrets of 7 Scribes Blog! I’m so glad to be here. And I’ve decided to share 7 secrets to surviving publishing.

Like any secret, I don’t generally talk about these things on-line. But since I feel like I’ve just jumped off Round 1 of the publishing rollercoaster, I started thinking that someone may be saved a little pain if I shared these details. These are my own opinions. You may think they are wrong. I’ll try to be okay with that and assert my own authority (see #5).

Here are my 7 secrets to surviving publishing:

1.) Finish your book. Keep working, learning and writing. Finishing the book is the biggest step and you’ve got plenty of aspiring authors out there to cheer you on and offer encouragement.

2.) Make friends. There are hundreds of people like you lurking on the internet. Maybe thousands, but that’s kind of scary to think about. These hundreds of people want to be writers. Find someone who is at the same place as you in their writing journey and talk to each other. As long as you like and believe in your friend’s writing, you can’t go wrong with this.

3.) Form your own clique. This is following secret #2. Do you notice all those writer cliques? They get together at conferences, drink wine and talk about their children? There’s generally loud squealing when they see each other. Do you ever wonder how to become a part of that clique? You make your own. Find a few other people who have no idea what they’re doing, too, and form a support group. The cliques you see now at conferences, which make me uncomfortable because I’m an introvert and shy as heck, have been forming for the past 5, 10, even 20 years. If you are not part of a clique, I guarantee if you stick around in this industry, you will find one. Someway. Somehow.

4.) Everything happens for a reason. It recently occurred to me that while I believe everything happens for a reason, I don’t actually believe everything happens for a reason. Because if I was a true believer, those rejections wouldn’t make my gut wrench. I wouldn’t feel tears brimming on my lashes. A fever wouldn’t make me feel suddenly ill when I open the rejecting e-mail. If I was a true believer that everything happened for a reason, I could give a regal nod in rejection’s direction and continue my day. But it’s not that simple. Rejection sucks. And it’s around every corner in this industry. Yes, even that corner up ahead that looks all clear. Rejection sucks. Rejection continues. If you can, look at every rejection as an opportunity. I’m obviously still working on this one.

5.) Make your own authority. Sometimes I look around in confusion and wonder who gave out all the power, and why I wasn’t around when it happened. Everything is kind of backwards in terms of the advice giving. What makes you qualified? Last week, I taught a workshop on dialog tags. One person told me they understood something they’d been struggling with. Who am I to think I can teach a workshop after publishing one book? Well, no one. But it helped one person and I learned a lot, so it was worth it. People will talk down to you with this imaginary authority they’ve given . . . themselves???–I guess, still haven’t figured this out. I’m not encouraging anyone to talk down to anyone, but level the playing field. If you’ve published a book and the person you’re talking to hasn’t, step up to their level from where they’re talking down to you with asserted authority. They may be trying to give you advice, but they could probably learn more from you. If you are like me, you don’t automatically have confidence and allot yourself value. Value yourself and your work. I’m also still working on this one.

6.) Turn back now. Seriously. Just turn around and go back home. This is not an industry for the faint hearted. If I would have known it would be like this, I never would have had the courage to jump into publishing. If I would have known how long this uphill trek stretched, I’m not sure I would have had the strength to start. I’m still climbing a steep incline. That’s how long it is. If I hadn’t naively walked down this road with a backpack and a tale to tell, I’m not sure I’d be here at all.

7.) Be nice. It’s that simple. This is kind of a life question I often ponder. Why do people go out of their way to make other people feel bad? I don’t get it. I’m naïve, blah, blah. I still don’t get it. I dislike when people make me feel bad. Why would I intentionally do that to someone else? If I’ve ever made you feel bad, I apologize. I know it happens and often times the offender doesn’t even know they are doing anything wrong. But just be nice if you can. I’ve run into some really mean people and this is a small industry. I still remember the woman who was ridiculously cruel to me last year. I’ll always associate her name with rudeness. Burn bridges if you have to, but I’m going to be over here in the corner trying to be nice. Honest, but nice. The person that I may have burned ten years ago could be the next bestselling author. That person will probably say no when I send them my request for a cover blurb. (I didn’t actually burn anyone ten years ago, just as an fyi. I haven’t been around that long. Lol.)

This is what I’ve come up with for surviving publishing. I’m sure each day will bring a new challenge and my list will constantly change. But for now, I’m going to go read the list again and remind myself of these points.

Kinley Baker is the author of the fantasy romance, Ruined. She read her first romance novel at the age of thirteen and immediately fell in love with the hero and the genre. She lives with her husband and her dog, Joker, in the Pacific Northwest. As a firm supporter of all supernatural lifestyles, she writes fantasy romance, paranormal romance, and urban fantasy. You can find Kinley at http://kinleybaker.com/index.html.

And as promised – Ruined:

Ruined

Jessa is one healing away from death. Under the thrall of her gift, the Court’s Senior Healer risks giving her life in exchange for her patient’s.

Vale is a rebel ruler. When his brother is killed, he’s given the throne and the decree from the Court to produce an heir or lose his family’s hold on the land–and his deceiving advisors aren’t afraid to use murder as a weapon if their directive to stay away from the Senior Healer goes unheeded.

But Vale burns to possess Jessa. The heat between them leaves a wake of smoke, and even the powerful forces above want to bind them in a union that lasts forever. Vale taking another would be a betrayal neither could survive.

Their enemies fear a child born of such a powerful Healer and Warrior, but the true threat lies in the bond forged in shadows and fused in fire.

Does anyone have their own secrets of survival? Any questions for Kinley? Don’t be shy!