Hang up the cape!

Hello Tuesday’s Scribe readers! PJ here, talking about some serious stuff today. Do any of you remember running around as a kid with a bath towel draped over your shoulders and tied around your neck, pretending to be a superhero in a cape? I would even straddle a broom and gallop all over the house and yard acting as if my trusty steed and I could save the world by my sheer desire to have such power. I became Wonder Woman and threw my “javelin” at make-believe bad guys and played Army and GI Joe with my brother and his friends because it seemed so cool to be part of some elite fighting squad that could take on any foe and always “win”.

When I became a teenager and gave up my magical thinking, I was forced to face the harsh realities of life. With my mother’s cancer and ultimately her death when I was sixteen, it became clear that any illusion I had of control or of being a savior of any kind was just that…an illusion. Yet I still clung to my “cape”—that dream of being someone special—someone others could depend on, look up to, and admire. Essentially, I kept trying to be what others needed or wanted me to be. I hoped that by taking control of all the little things in life, like schedules and micromanaging a family, that the big things—like life and death—would somehow bend to my will. Of course that didn’t happen. But instead of hanging up the cape and accepting my imperfection and my mortality, I worked more, tried harder, and sacrificed my own feelings for the benefit of everyone else’s. Over time, that cape became more and more attached to my identity and others expected the same level of perfection that I expected of myself.

As a mother, a wife, a healer, a teacher, and as an athlete, perfectionism was my creed. I was Superwoman! Of course I didn’t know it at the time, and I certainly didn’t consciously believe that I could or should strive for perfection, but my need for control in a life filled with chaos and fear, was as natural as breathing for me. By the time I reached my thirties, the cape had been pretty much tattooed into my skin. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t strive for excellence in all that we do. We are definitely happiest when we are feeling successful in our lives (whatever that means for you). What I am saying is that perfection is unattainable and that learning to accept and love ourselves for who we are is an essential ingredient in finding what we all crave far more than control—peace of mind.

So when you start to come down on yourself about not “measuring up” or feel as if you can’t get out of your own way to save your life because life is—let’s face it—kicking your ass, just remember, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Learn whatever lessons you can learn in your current circumstance and do yourself a favor; hang up the cape. Maybe you ask for help, maybe you take a day off, maybe you even crawl under the covers and avoid dealing with an out of control inbox, a persnickety computer, and looming deadlines. Or maybe you do what every Superhero should do—take off the cape and let the world see how amazing and awesome you really are all by yourself.

Today’s Unlocked Secret: Be true to yourself, strive to be the best you can be, and know that you are amazing just the way you are.

Any Superheroes out there looking to shed their capes? Have you been trying to “do it all and feeling like you’re coming up short?”

Country of the Mind

Thea Devine today. On this past Monday morning, around 11am, we drove into town for the annual Memorial Day parade. Perfect day: bright sun, blue sky, warm weather, fresh breeze — and people. Town was jam-packed with people all along Main Street, two, three, five deep, and there wasn’t a place to park anywhere near. We finally got a spot in a little field about a quarter mile from Main Street and joined a crowd hiking toward to the main event.

It hadn’t started yet, but the staggering number of people lining the street was an event in itself. Kids, parents, teens, tweens, boyfriends, girlfriends, dogs, grandparents, town officials all merging and mingling, looking for friends, space, refreshments, for the parade to begin.

This, I thought, was the essence of why hearth and home books resonate so vibrantly in romance. This is the country of the mind; it is a Norman Rockwell painting come to life, a place that exists in the imagination, in the heart, and sometimes in life.

A place, perhaps, one has been seeking without even knowing it. The place you know is home in a deep visceral way, even if you don’t want to admit it.

In fiction, it takes a good three hundred pages for the heroine to come to terms and admit it. The reader is already there, because those tropes tap into our deepest desire for community and acceptance in a place where everybody knows who you are. Your family, as it were.

Standing on the sidelines and watching the parade — the bands, the old timey cars, the re-enactors, the antique fire trucks, the members of the Service clubs, the staff of the Library, everyone who marched — I turned to John and whispered, I love this place.

I do … love this place. I feel like the heroine who has finally found her home. I’ve had deep yearnings to gather my cousins here, in my place, so we can be as close as our families were when I was growing up in Brooklyn and Sunday was mandatory visit grandma day.

But a visit or an email isn’t quite the same as noisy family dinner on a Saturday night. Like any beleaguered heroine, I never thought I’d miss that after all these years, or wish I could recreate those times. I’m sad my sons will never experience them too.

After the parade was over, everyone poured into the street which had turned into a traffic-free plaza — either to meet friends, or see who was there, or to wend their way to where they’d parked, stopping to chat with neighbors, friends, parade participants, along the way.

I took lots of pictures, grateful this wasn’t the small town of my imagination, or a small fictional town in a future novel I might write. It was my town, here and now, my place, my home.

Did you go to your Memorial Day Parade? Do you feel like you’ve found your place, your home? Is it what or where you thought it would be?

PS re: RT. I’m pleased to say I was one of the thirty- year “pioneer” authors honored by RT at this year’s convention in Kansas City. It was a well attended convention, I heard estimates of as many as 1500-2000 attendees, and there was a spectacular number of workshops to suit every taste, every genre and every level of experience, plus receptions, parties, meet and greets and a special fan event.

The big booksigning was HUGE and swarming with avid readers. The hotel was lovely with lots of places to sit and chat. The 30th Anniversary Gala was fun; we were all asked to say a few words to the attendees after Kathryn Falk spoke about the thirty years that Romantic Times had been a force in the industry.. You might have heard EL James was there — she was, but I didn’t have the pleasure of meeting her. I had a wonderful time.

Progress…not perfection

I hope you all had some much needed R&R this weekend. Needless to say, time flew and I barely saw the light of day beyond my computer. Fortunately, I’ve got some time off coming up to spend with my son who will be visiting next week from California. We’ll be attending the wedding of one of his cousins–who I can still remember being a bit of a terror. My sisters and I had a gaggle of boys all about the same age and trust me; they were all terrors in their own rite. What I’d like to know, is how did all our boys grow up so fast, and how have they survived to become adults? And not just adults, but men who have the courage to walk down an aisle ready to say “I do”. I guess it happened one step at a time…like everything else with forward momentum.

Phil, AJ, and Jay

The groom is on the left, his big brother is on the right, and my younger son is in the middle. California boy is missing from this shot, but I’ll have new pics with everyone looking clean shaven and dapper, I suspect.

Simpler days and wonderful memories aside, time waits for no man…or woman. In the mad rush toward my next book launch in…um…less than four weeks, I came to all of you in need of some help and advice last week. I’d like to thank you all for your enthusiastic responses! Your support and suggestions helped more than you know.

PJ Sharon here, and if you click on the link to my name, you’ll find a new website–sort of. Don’t go yet, though…let’s savor the big reveal for the end of this post, shall we? The new website is almost-but-not-quite-done. I’ll be working out a few kinks–like how to create a drop down menu so my books can be listed under one heading, how to find my HOME page in my menus since it isn’t there anywhere, and how to change the blogging link from my ABOUT page to my BLOG page. I’m still not sure I chose the theme I really want, and may make some changes there as well. I did choose the WordPress.com basic Responsive template so it would show up on all devices–a problem I was having with my other site that was “flash based” (who knew?)

In spite of entertaining his mom this weekend, my rocket scientist husband was kind enough to help me set up the web-hosting and get the site up and running. I used Go Daddy since that’s where I got my domain name. Hosting was reasonable at less than $40 a year. The site has some limitations–such as not being able to change the font without using Java Script, I believe…or it just might be me. There is a learning curve. Thankfully, I had step-by-step instructions from a YouTube video guru by the name of Tyler Moore. What a God-send! In a couple of hours, he talked me through designing and creating a decent website, including a new logo. I’ve still got some work to do, but it’s coming together and I am past the procrastination and freaking out stage–classic symptoms of fear of failure. It comes with the territory of being a perfectionist. As hard as I’ve worked to eradicate those tendencies, they still sneak up on me and tend to hold me back from achieving the next step toward meeting my goals.

The second issue I asked your help with in my last week’s post was coming up with a new tagline. I think I found one that works for me! Here’s what I came up with:

As for titles for Book Three in the Chronicles of Lily Carmichael trilogy, I’m still pondering. With all of the wonderful suggestions I received last week, I’m narrowing it down to several possibilities and will get back to you once I’ve made a decision. For now at least, I feel like I’m moving in the right direction. The really good news is that I’m not the one walking down that aisle next week. I love weddings, but…talk about stress. Eeek! What big stuff do you have in the works?

I’d love for you to share your progress toward one of your big goals with us. How is it coming on those manuscripts? Anyone submitting? Have a book coming out? Building a website, FB page, Goodreads, Author Central pages? There never seems to be a shortage of things to do.

TODAY’S UNLOCKED SECRET: If we expect perfection, we’ll never finish. And like me with the website, you may never have the courage to start. As with the rest of life, if we take it one step forward at a time–eventually we’ll get to the prize.

In fiction as in life …?

Thea today, writing from the grandbaby’s house where I’m caretaking him for the next few weeks, and I’m still crazy in love — even after 15 months. Which feeds into the next momentous month in which John and I celebrate our 47th anniversary. It’s kind of staggering to think it’s been that many years. But even more so, how we met, about two years before that, just after he’d just graduated college and we separately both attended to a party at the home of my friend Sharon in Newark, NJ.

I like to think ours was a grand love story, but maybe, because we were an interfaith couple (no small thing back then), it was more about rebellion. Or our just being together and figuring all of it out as we went.

Cut to ten years later. We were living in Brooklyn. I was pregnant out to the there with my eldest son. We were at a performance of Trelawny of the Wells at Lincoln Center. In the break between the first and second act, we were milling in the lobby, and a woman approached me. “Is your name Thea?”

I said yes. She told me her name and asked if I remembered her. I did. She was a friend Sharon’s and we’d hung out several times, no more than that, back in the days after that party at Sharon’s house. But I hadn’t seen her in more than ten years, and I’d not been in contact with Sharon either after John and I married.

She said, “Sharon is dead.”

Last thing I expected to hear. The words exploded like a bomb, chilling me to the bone. Sharon had died of complications of Type 1 diabetes. She couldn’t have been more than 35 years old.

“I thought you should know,” she said And then she was gone, leaving me devastated. And I couldn’t find her in the audience or after, and I never saw her again.

I still get chills thinking about it. How did she recognize me after all that time, AND that pregnant?
How did it happen this one night she and I were separately in the audience and she saw me, she knew me — and felt confident enough that I was who she thought I was to approach me? And how could she just disappear, never to be seen again?

I’ve often thought that incident would make a terrific scene in a book. Except for the fact she vanished. In a book, she’d have to return at some point because otherwise the reader would be questioning where she went and what her purpose was. It’s not enough just to have a character deliver bad news and exit right. There has to be some reason, some driving motivation, everything interconnected, all ends tied up.

Fiction is not life. Life is random. That moment at Lincoln Center was random — but was it? It haunts me even after all these years because it all seemed so coincidental — and yet it wasn’t. Still, I wonder … was she an angel sent perhaps by Sharon to tell me I was being watched over? I only recently even considered that. And if so, what signs have I missed all these years not contemplating that possibility? Or was it just a really intriguing idea to springboard a plot for a novel I have yet to write?

Of course that would be my first thought. Wouldn’t it be yours?

Or is there more to it than that?

Still and all, at this anniversary time of the year, I remember Sharon. I can close my eyes and see her just as she was, a pretty red-headed twenty year old, bedeviled but never beaten down by the disease that would take her life. But back then, at that party that night, without knowing it, by inviting John Devine, she gave me my future and my life.

What do you think? Was it a coincidence? Meant to be? An angel? A figment of my imagination? Have you ever had a moment like that?

Thea Devine is the author of 27 erotic historical and contemporary romances, five of which have just been reissued in Kindle editions. and nearly a dozen novellas. She’s been named a Romance Pioneer by Romantic Times, and is currently working on a new erotic contemporary novel.

Affirmations and Good Things to Come

It’s March, (click here to find out what I’m up to this month), and one step closer to spring…and not a moment too soon for me! It’s been a cold and cloudy winter, leaving many of us with a case of the doldrums, myself included. PJ here, and I’m going to share one of my best secrets for chasing away the blues. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the practice of saying AFFIRMATIONS. An affirmation, according to my Sage dictionary, is “a statement asserting the existence or the truth of something.” When you say an affirmation, you say it as if it has already come to pass and is the truth or reality of the situation. So instead of saying, “I’m going to lose weight,” you should say, “I am in my healthiest body ever.”

I can see you rolling your eyes…stop that! Speaking your reality into existence is the surest way to find success. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a lie and the truth. It is only processing the information that you feed it, and verbal and audio cues are powerful bits of information. Most of us have lots of “old tapes” playing in our heads from as far back as childhood telling us that we aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough…whatever. Of course, this is all garbage that our brains have stored and processed and that our subconscious mind believes to be true. If you look in the mirror and say, “I hate how fat I am, I’m so ugly, or how could anyone love someone like me,” you are convincing yourself that all of that crap is true. And guess what? Your brain will have you believing it to the point of making it your reality.

So let’s turn that around right now! The only way to erase those old tapes and negative thinking is to re-program how you think and speak about yourself. It takes consistency and practice, but you can completely change your mind and transform your life by doing this. If every day feels like a struggle to you and you have self-defeating thoughts, saying positive affirmations is the cure.

Here are a few of the affirmations I say often, some on a daily basis:

“You are beautiful, I love you, and I’m going to take really good care of you today.” (If you look at a picture of yourself as a child as you say this, over time you will experience a very powerful healing.)

“I attract wealth and good health.”

“I attract healthy and happy people into my life.”

“I have all the money I need.”

“I am a money magnet!” (Don’t forget to add the “thank you, thank you, thank you” to express your gratitude to the Universe for providing for you).

And my favorite, “I am an excellent writer, I am a bestselling author.”

Always use present tense and positive words to give your intention impact.

It feels silly when you first begin doing this, and the critical you will immediately want to negate what you’ve just said as being contrary to your previous programming, but if you stick with it, say it like you mean it, and believe that it is possible, your life will be transformed by this one simple practice. Even more powerful, is when you write your affirmations down, put up sticky notes everywhere, and say those affirmations out loud as often as possible. You are supercharging your affirmation by including visual, auditory, and tactile re-training. The act of writing it down alone can get your brain to start processing the new belief and making it your new reality. As an added incentive, try creating a vision board, incorporating images and words that portray the kind of life you want and the dreams you’d like to see come true. I’ve been doing it for years, and trust me…this works!

Today’s Unlocked Secret: If you want to succeed in any area of your life, create positive affirmations and practice saying them every day. Before you know it, your dreams will become a reality.

So what do you think? Can you formulate an affirmation that clearly states the reality of what you want? Care to share it?

When Work Doesn’t Feel Like Work by Katy Lee

Happy New Year! I have just returned from a writing retreat in the mountains, but technically I didn’t step outside, except to buy chocolate, that is. I spent my days glued to my laptop, and honestly, I have never had so much fun working.

Because Suze already told you about the benefits of a writing retreat, I will just second everything she said. See Suze’s post here. BUT I will add one more thing to her list that I came away with this week.

Find a way to do what you love.

Now I’m not saying that means work will be easy for you. It’s called work for a reason and anything worth doing will be hard. It’s going to need a strong will and a strong desire in your heart to complete it. But that’s where the love comes in. If you love it, you’ll do it, and you’ll do it well, and you won’t mind the work. In fact, the harder it is, the sweeter the victory will be when you accomplish what you set out to do.

This week as I sat for long hours from sun up to sun down behind my computer, typing out difficult scenes and plot twists and pulling on my hair when the story and characters took over, I did it all with a smile. I could literally feel my cheeks hurting because I was loving my job so much.

Now if you honestly can’t find that desire in your heart for your work, then perhaps a little search for it will help. Holding onto tasks that you have always done just because you’ve always done them isn’t always a good thing–for anyone. You’re not happy, and the people you’re working for know something is lacking. And perhaps there is someone out there who does have a heart for the work you drudge through. By stepping back to find the work you love, you allow them to step up and find what they love to do, too.

And then everyone’s cheeks will be hurting.

The Unlocked Secret: The secret here is not to find what you love to do. That’s no secret. We all know that. The secret is to learn a way to make a living from doing what you love. Like I said before. It’s going to be work. Hard work right from the beginning. But it all starts with your willingness and openess to learn. And the chocolate does help.

Question: Tell me…what do you love to do??? Have you found a way to make a living doing it? What’s stopping you?

 

 

Forecast 2013…

How many of you take horoscopes seriously? I usually don’t. In fact I never read mine unless I have a newspaper in front of me which is never. But while cruising the internet this week I stumbled upon my 2013 forecast. I ignored the LOVE forecast and went right to the CAREER forecast. Like most writers I have a day job. Some days I love my job and my coworkers and everything is all sunshine and rainbows. And some days I rather shovel dog mess than go to it. But I go to it every day. Day in and day out. And sometimes the monotony, the red tape, the silly rules get to me. Sometimes the stress from my day job interferes with my night job, my writing which has morphed out of just a hobby into a full-blown passion/obsession.

So sometimes I day-dream about shouting, “TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT!” My dream is to be able to not only survive from my writing alone but to be able to live well. I would love to be able to travel and see new places and never be confined to the few weeks off I get during the year. Over the past couple of years I’ve been truly exploring starting over somewhere new. New job. New life. New opportunities. But starting over is extremely hard. New people. New problems. New worries. (I like to think of it as a quarter life crisis.)

Of course I wonder if it’s at all worth it. And then I came across my horoscope.Which came directly Yahoo! Shine via Astrology.com.

You have been promising yourself for years that you would break out of the comfort of the familiar to pursue something more satisfying on a soul level even if it meant sacrificing the security of a paycheck. Well now is the time, Taurus. Something infinitely more gratifying is waiting for you on the other side of your current status quo, it’s just up to you to make the leap.Don’t be afraid to invest in yourself and a brighter future instead of always anticipating the rainy day. Jupiter thinks big and is not afraid to take risks if it means greater gains. Where do you need to take a chance in order to tap into greater freedom, success and possibility than you have allowed yourself in your work and career? Is it because you are afraid you won’t make money? Put those fears to the test before June, and you just might be pleasantly surprised. Plus, you’re never one without a backup plan, or two. It’s not about doing something reckless but it is about doing something deliciously daring, Taurus.

I’ve never had a horoscope be so dead on to how I was feeling. It was kind of like I wrote it myself.

Now, I’m not making any major life changes for the time being but it definitely gave me to something to think about.

I want to know for you all…

What would your horoscope say if you wrote it? It could be love related, career related, or just about life in general. Maybe if we all wrote our own horoscopes we would accomplish exactly what we wanted.