Bursting at the Seams

The following is a true story that happened to me this week. Enjoy…

Friday morning I walked into my parents’ kitchen to see my seventeen year old brother eating a cake. Not a piece of cake, not a sliver, or a slice, but the enormous hunk of homemade chocolate cake that my mother had made for Thanksgiving. The kid didn’t even have a plate. I watched him for a moment before I asked, “What are you doing?”

He looked at me as if my question was stupid. “I’m eating cake.”

Duh! “All of it?” I asked in a sort of horrified wonder as he shoved a giant forkful in his mouth.

“Planning on it.”

“But I didn’t get any!”


As I stared at him I knew he would eat all of it because that’s what little brothers did. So I got a fork and sat next to him and starting eating cake too.

“Stick to your side.” He told me with his mouth full. I did and we ending up eating cake for breakfast.

Wanna know what I had for lunch? Apple pie and ice cream. I swear it wasn’t my idea. Upon arriving home from Black Friday shopping I see two of my brothers,( the one from that morning was one of them) sitting at the table with the biggest tub of vanilla ice cream in the world and a whole homemade apple pie.

“You want some?” The older one asked. I was about to say no, my conscience kicking me in the butt.

“Just give her some,” the younger one said. “I don’t want to hear her b*&ching later that she didn’t get any.”

“You two are going to eat the entire pie?”

They both looked at me like I was stupid. In hindsight  I guess it was stupid question. The older one plopped the pie on a glass pie and put it in the microwave, while the younger one got out three clear glass mugs. We waited in silence for the microwave to ding and when it did I watch as they placed steaming pie at the bottom of the mugs and the a layer of ice cream and finished it off with more pie.

“Let the ice cream melt some,” the little one said. “And then mix it up. It’s damn good.”

I did as he said and then tasted it. He was right it was good and the three of us proceeded to eat a whole pie and a half a gallon of ice cream.

Wanna know what I had for dinner? Stuffing. That was it. A big bowl of stuffing.

I gained 1.4 pounds between Wednesday and Saturday. Which brought my total weight gain from the summer up to five pounds and after spending a year losing forty-five pounds it served as a sharp blow to my sluggish system.

I decided to leave my parents house that day and return to my own. I blame mybrothers for my weight gain, especially the youngest one.(He MADE me eat that pie!) The boy is jacked. He’s got pecs and biceps and a stupidly flat belly and he hasn’t eaten a vegetable in years. He eats cheese fries for breakfast and waffles for dinner and he looks great. Did I mention that I hate him?

Like a lot of you I’m constantly fighting to lose and keep off weight. Every pound lost is a mini battle. Every day is a struggle to make the right choices, to say no to that brownie and yes to that banana. The truth is that there is no secret diet. Eat less. Move more and make the right choices. If you aren’t hungry enough to eat an apple then you really aren’t  that hungry at all.

So, this morning I trekked to the grocery store, avoiding the frozen pizza that has become a staple in my diet and spent a fortune on fresh fruit, vegetables and things I actually have to cook. Mentally, I feel better already. Physically I’m suffering from the shakes because of pie withdrawal and wondering how I can keep up my word count and still exercise at the same time.

Your turn! What’s the worst thing you ever ate? Have a brother you’d like to smack? What’s your diet been like lately? Love pie? How was your Thanksgiving? Any and all comments are welcome.


15 thoughts on “Bursting at the Seams”

  1. I feel your pain Jamie! I’ve never met a sweet I didn’t like and that often gets me into trouble. All you can do is start the next day and eat better. Sounds like you are back on the right track. I know it’s hard to resist the call of sweety goodness, find time to exercise, and write, but you can do it!

  2. Boys are awesome! They have amazing appetites so it’s lucky (if not annoying) that they have amazing metabolism to go with it.

    I hear you about the carb and fat overload. I won’t even step on the scale to look at the damage. I plan for those excursions as a rule, living on salads and small portions for weeks before. I didn’t do that this year and I’ll probably spend the next two months plowing my way through the ten pounds i’ve gained since summer. It gets harder every year to take the weight off. it’s a battle we all fight. Kudos for thinking smart. You’re absolutely right about what it takes to maintain.

    And you can cheer up, After they each hit thirty or thirty-five, your brothers will pack on the pounds too. All that lean muscle will turn to jelly once they’re sitting at a desk all day and still eating entire chocolate cakes. Time is on your side.

  3. Too funny. I have 4 brothers. I feel your pain.
    Think it’s going to get better with age? Forget about it. Later youll find instead of wanting to smack them you now want to hug them. Go figure.

  4. I like your statement, “If you aren’t hungry enough to eat an apple then you really aren’t that hungry at all.”

    But don’t beat yourself about it, though. Today is another day and it’s a good day to start agin.

  5. Jamie – this was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! I was laughing out loud! OK, so I totally hear you. Every year, on the day after thanksgiving, I have pie for breakfast. My mom makes this incredible chocolate/peanut butter pie which I’m too full on Thanksgiving to truly appreciate. I eat it for breakfast. This year, I deviated and had apple pie instead. I didn’t make any this fall (I usually do) and it was a good one!

  6. Jamie, that was a riot! I don’t have any siblings, but have done my share of eating odd things at odd times. The peanutbutter and green olive sandwich comes to mind, back in the day before I developed a peanut allergy. (Don’t ask) I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Ate to much on Thursday that I was still full on Friday! Back to my diet today. You’re right, it’s a struggle and as Kathye said … it gets harder with age.

    1. I developed a peanut allergy later in life too. But peanutbutter and green olives? That’s not something that I think I would want to to try.

  7. My brothers are much older now and I live abroad, so enjoy having them around even if they eat all the cake! I am (was) eating pavlova as I joined blog hop and had to bake a pavlova for the event!

  8. Jamie, this is a hoot! Another wonderful, hysterical post about your family. Cake and pie are OK, but my personal downfall is cookies. Homemade chocolate chip, homemade peanut butter ones — the kind you roll in sugar and bake so they have a delicious crystally crust on their criss-crosses — and pecan sandies. I’m also a sucker for anything with melted cheese. Sigh. As for your questions, I’ll take this one: What’s the worst thing you ever ate? — without a doubt, canned peas. I would literally have to be starving to death before I would eat canned peas. And I’d have to have some reassurance that eating those peas would prolong my life long enough for help to arrive, because if I were going to die anyway, I’d would not want peas as my last meal 🙂

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