DISCLAIMER: I can in fact cook but only because my mother broke all sorts of child labor laws and forced me to do so when I lived under her roof.
Because it’s the season of giving I am gifting you with five days worth of easy, recipes?,um, meals for the single diner. Enjoy!
Step one: Open refrigerator door.
Step two: Seeing nothing edible jump out at you, move bottles of water and a nearly empty carton of milk out of the way.
Step three: See container of mysterious substance in the back and wonder what could be inside.
Step four: Think back to the last time you had actual food and then open the container.
Step five: Upon seeing that substance is covered with green fur, smells like a sewer and is possibly alive,gag, scream, toss in garbage. Double bag said garbage. Spray closed bag with bleach and inside of refrigerator for good measure.
Step six: Order take out.
Day 2 Crunchy Surprise Oh My
Step one: Walk into kitchen.
Step two: Remember what happened the day before and eat an entire bag of barbecue potato chips.
Step three: Feel guilty and run instead of walk upstairs to your bedroom in a feeble attempt to burn off calories.
I Feel Like Chicken Tonight
Step 1: Crave chicken
Step 2: Open refrigerator in hopes to find a fully roasted one with all the fixings waiting for you.
Step 3: Become really disappointed.
Step 4: See that you still have milk and it’s only one day past its expiration.
Step 5: Pour cereal into whatever clean bowl you can find, then pour milk on top.
Step 6: Realize that there is barely enough milk to moisten the cereal.
Step 7: Grumble about eating barely damp cereal and complain about the lack of food in your house.
Four Food Groups Feast
Step one: Open freezer.
Step two: Find chicken , broccoli and cheese Hot Pocket! (SCORE!!!)
Step three: Eat before it cools off and burn the bejesus out of your tongue.
Nothing But Condiments
Step one: Open refrigerator
Step two: See only ketchup, mustard, and salad dressing.
Step three: Sigh pathetically
Step four: Promise yourself you are going to go grocery shopping.( All the while knowing you probably won’t.)
Step five: Text BFF to complain about the state of your refrigerator.
Step six: Receive text from BFF saying the same thing.
Step seven: Agree to meet BFF at favorite restaurant and proceed to spend next week’s grocery money on adult beverages.
NOTE: If you don’t have a Hot Pocket, peanut butter right out of the jar is an acceptable substitution. Old, dusty cans of soup or a sleeve or nearly stale crackers will work too.
I hope you are enjoying the Scribes’ sweet and savories and do feel free to try out these recipes anytime in the next few weeks.
Your turn! Enjoy cooking for one? Think it stinks? Hate to grocery shop? Hate to cook? What’s your favorite food to take out? Any and all comments are welcome!