Single Girl Stew…

DISCLAIMER: I can in fact cook but only because my mother broke all sorts of child labor laws and forced me to do so when I lived under her roof.

Because it’s the season of giving I am gifting you with five days worth of easy, recipes?,um, meals for the single diner. Enjoy!

Nothing says lovin' like the something from, the oven.

Day 1

 Ineedtofindamenu 

Step one: Open refrigerator door.

Step two: Seeing nothing edible jump out at you, move bottles of water and a nearly empty carton of milk out of the way.

Step three: See container of mysterious substance in the back and wonder what could be inside.

Step four: Think back to the last time you had actual food and then open the container.

Step five: Upon seeing that substance is covered with green fur, smells like a sewer and is possibly alive,gag, scream, toss in garbage. Double bag said garbage. Spray closed bag with bleach and inside of refrigerator for good measure.

Step six: Order take out.

Day 2 Crunchy Surprise Oh My

Step one: Walk into kitchen.

Step two: Remember what happened the day before and eat an entire bag of barbecue potato chips.

Step three: Feel guilty and run instead of walk upstairs to your bedroom in a feeble attempt to burn off calories.  

Day 3

I Feel Like Chicken Tonight

Step 1: Crave chicken

Step 2: Open refrigerator in hopes to find a fully roasted one with all the fixings waiting for you.

Step 3: Become really disappointed.

Step 4: See that you still have milk and it’s only one day past its expiration.

Step 5: Pour cereal into whatever clean bowl you can find, then pour milk on top.

Step 6: Realize that there is barely enough milk to moisten the cereal.

Step 7: Grumble about eating barely damp cereal and complain about the lack of food in your house.

Day 4 

 Four Food Groups Feast

Step one: Open freezer.

Step  two: Find chicken , broccoli and cheese Hot Pocket! (SCORE!!!)

Step three: Eat before it cools off and burn the bejesus out of your tongue.

Day 5

Nothing But Condiments

Step one: Open refrigerator

Step two: See only ketchup, mustard, and salad dressing.

Step three: Sigh pathetically

Step four: Promise yourself you are going to go grocery shopping.( All the while knowing you probably won’t.)

Step five: Text BFF to complain about the state of your refrigerator.

Step six: Receive text from BFF saying the same thing.

Step seven: Agree to meet BFF at favorite restaurant and proceed to spend next week’s grocery money on adult beverages.

NOTE: If you don’t have a Hot Pocket, peanut butter right out of the jar is an acceptable substitution. Old, dusty cans of soup or a sleeve or nearly stale crackers will work too.

I hope you are enjoying the Scribes’ sweet and savories and do feel free to try out these recipes anytime in the next few weeks.

Your turn! Enjoy cooking for one? Think it stinks? Hate to grocery shop? Hate to cook? What’s your favorite food to take out? Any and all comments are welcome!

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14 thoughts on “Single Girl Stew…”

  1. Jamie – you are a hilarious! Thank you! I needed a good laugh this morning.

    I do enjoy cooking, but hate grocery shopping. I wish the food would just materialize into my fridge (like in Star Trek: The Next Generation).

  2. Casey, I loved that Star Trek thingamajingie! Must put on Christmas list. Jamie, I too hate to cook, but with two kids…you know, sometimes it seems like they want to eat three times a day! Can I recommend Newman’s Own frozen bag-o-dinner? Not bad in a pinch.

  3. Hi Jamie,
    I love to cook, but I don’t like to cook for just me, so what I have been known to do is make a big pot of chili or beef stew and put it into one serving containers and freeze them. When I’m ready to eat, I microwave and voila … dinner is served. I do recomment those deli cooked chickens though. They are pretty good.

  4. I cook every night (OK that was a lie let’s adjust to say five out of seven) and I always find the mystery leftover container in the back of the fridge on trash night. My dilemma is whether to scoop the green fur covered goo into the trash and wash the container or to just toss it all in the bin. Usually I chuck it all. Yes, global warming is all my fault. My cooking for one recommendation is the V8 soups they are sooooooo good and will last a long time in the cupboard.

  5. What?! Newman’s Own has a frozen bag ‘o dinner? How have I missed that? Jamie, back in the hayday of my single youth, I too had an empty fridge and pantry. Now, that’s not the case (my kids want to eat often too!) but I still find that if I don’t start dinner before lunch time, I’m too tired to cook and we eat out. Often. There’s a McDonald’s about 6 houses away from me…

  6. Too funny Jamie. I don’t mind cooking but its a pain to cook for one. My husband, God bless him is doing most of the cooking these days. If I’m on my own, It’s Amy’s enchiladas for me. Of course they aren’t complete without a shot or two of tequila to go with them.

  7. I was snorting behind my computer screen this morning when I read this, Jamie. Brought back fond memories of my singleton days; in my fridge, you would not even have found condiments, unless you count those little packets of hot mustard, soy sauce and duck sauce that come with Chinese takeout. You would, however, have found half and half for coffee and various and sundry types of, as you say, adult beverages in various bottles, cans and six packs. Nowadays, when my son and husband ditch me to go do manly things, I usually make myself an egg sandwich, grilled cheese, or peanut butter toast. And I use a paper plate!

  8. Lol I just reread this post and omg it’s so so true! My poor sisters came to visit tonight and went to the fridge and all I could say was don’t even bother. Pizza it was. Day 5 is my fave!

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